The other day an old friend and I started talking on Instagram. ‘How have you been?’ he asked me. ‘I’m alright, I guess’ was the tailored reply. I sometimes add ‘I guess’ or similar irrelevant phrases to break the monotony of the usual standard replies. Doesn’t help much, but there’s a certain personalized appeal to that. However, within fifteen minutes of our conversation, I found out that I have moderate clinical depression(it’s just short of severe, incase you have an OCD regarding the scale) . He happens to be a doctor and is currently studying Psychiatry. He gave me a test, which I thought I was too philosophically sound to take. That is my general approach to everything, really. I mostly think I’m too intellectual for most of the shit. The joke is on me, without a doubt.
I won’t get into the details of how empty I feel or how harrowing it is to be taken seriously by others. Nope. Not my style. That line of depressing monologue is specifically reserved for the men I’m trying to woo. I can barely help myself. Then I sit at the corner of my room and wonder what did I ever say to them, that scared them away! So very unpredictable.
I’m sure you’ve followed enough celebrities with depression to know what it is. Their depression is any day more glamorous than mine, though. With zillions of followers sending them Facebook prayers and ‘positive vibes’ through Instagram (however that works). Whereas, I just have a couple of ‘LOL’ messages in response to the revelation, from the friends that I don’t have. Notice the power of Instagram followers?
Anyway, I’m advised to maintain a routine, exercise and set short term consistent goals. Yep, go ahead and yawn. Consistency is important for me, because I’m someone who can come up with new ideas everyday that I’ll never bother to follow up with. I tend to cop out when the actual work begins. Not intentionally though, I simply lose interest and patience. If you’re someone like me, let me enlighten you with the knowledge that we’re going to be underachievers always, if we keep continuing this behavior. It’s important to maintain a momentum. Straight out of the self help articles, you bet. I happen to like writing and my dopamine levels shoot up when I get your comments in the mailbox. I’ve made it a point to write regularly. I need the dopamine shots!
If you’re curious, I have an utter lack of inspiration to do/be a part of anything at the moment. You might wonder why did I pair up these photographs with this post. I’d say it’s pointless. Deal with it. And if you find too many things pointless in this blog, and in life, in general, maybe it’s a good time to run a test. You know what I mean. I’d warmly welcome you aboard to this island of egotistical nothingness!