The Atrocities Of A Tinder Bio

I signed up for Tinder last year. I wasn’t going through a life shattering breakup (the reason why most of the people are on tinder) or looking for a rebound. I had been quite stably single since 2015 and wanted to check out the phenomenon that is Tinder. I was open to the prospect of serious non-casual dating if I liked somebody enough. We’re all aware of the hush-hush around dating apps, aren’t we? But then this is India and there’s a hush-hush around almost everything that we’re aware of! So who cares?

With sky high hopes and an unfathomable confidence in my ability to attract the opposite gender, I embarked on my digital dating adventure. Being the bitter person that I am, I not only happen to read the biographies that they write but also overtly analyze them. In my humble experience, I have noticed three genres of biographies rampant on tinder.

1. The ones with no biography only emojis: Because language is ancient, yes? This section of gentlemen assume that their physique is enough to serve as potential panty dropper. They do not think women read their bio or are capable of  comprehending the enigma that they are, in few words. Therefore, the maximum amount of meaningful insight you can assess of him as a person, is  ‘✌️? ?’
Smooth!

2. The ones with the trendy bios :
This group of men are :

Travellers : #travel4lyf, #wanderlust, #iftravellingwasfreeyouwillnevaseemeagain sort of guys. You know them. They’re the Tinder equivalent of Christopher McCandless (Into The Wild). Their Instagram is full of snaps from Kasol and hashtags on finding the true meaning of life.

Animal Lovers : By ‘animals’ , I only mean dogs of course, because who cares about a million species of existing real life animals as long as puppy videos dominate the internet?

Sapiosexuals : ( Read : Men who want us to laugh at their poorly constructed jokes).

Self-proclaimed sarcastic cool dudes: Basically, guys who have watched couple of TV shows and now think they are the pioneers of sarcasm.
 
Grammar Nazi : Of course, because he’s on Tinder for appropriate punctuation marks, right?

Party Freaks : Self explanatory, I hope.

And.

Pot Enthusiasts : The ones that strut around like you automatically become cool when you fill up your lungs with narcotics. Expect enthusiastic lectures on Government conspiracies and paranormal science research from the 753 BC that has health benefits of Marijuana inscribed in their architectural exhibits.

3. The goodytwoshoes who’s biography makes you wonder if they had asked for their mother’s permission before signing up.
Their biography would consist of random arrangement of words like positivity, good vibes, friendship, goodness, respectwomen, Patanjali….and the pictures would be against the backdrop of 1285873 different countries and an ever smiling countenance with a thumbs up. You’d often find them cribbing about Tinder and how it isn’t working out for them because apparently the girls aren’t ‘intellectual’ enough!

Breaks my heart, but why am I not surprised?

P. S: Enough of the  ‘sapiosexual’ male bashing though, have you noticed any particular trend in the bio of women? That’d be a fun read. Write to me! 

9 Replies to “The Atrocities Of A Tinder Bio”

  1. The types of tinder bios of women? here goes a short snippet,

    1. The blank slates: the fake accounts mostly, or the same women, who expect men to magically read their mind.
    2. The paavam: All the good quotes and redundancy of make believe positive words
    3. The pretending to be boistrous: They have good collection of quotes with ass kicking attitude, but empty vessel, sounds much, ehh?
    4. The pretending to be woman: The “I-am-yet-to-be-out-of-my-teenage-brain” but pretending to be a matured woman.
    5. The daddy’s princess: Need I say more?
    6. The Sapiosexuals: Who has nothing to do with the intelligence, but the cool word like sapiosexual
    7. The ‘I-am-not-here-for-hookup”: Did you lost your way and instead of the temple you ended up in this freakshow? who are you kidding missy?
    8. The cool quote kids: the hoarder of coolest quotes on internet, but you ask them more about the quote, they chicken out.

    We men, have failed badly in the dating game, but the opposite gender is not good either

    1. Haha. That cracked me up. I feel sorry for the influential ancestors though. Whoever knew their life lessons would be dragged down to Tinder bios?!

  2. 90% of the girls have a blank slate as a bio. And the few that do have some nonsense/meaningful stuff in the bio , many have shit like – dont just write hi/hello , be creative. And even the blank bio ones will unmatch if sent only Hi/hey/hello. Wtf man.

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